What happens, is I wake up early and the thoughts of the whole week run through my head. For example, this morning, I was repeatedly singing a song from church in my head, analyzing the latest episode of The Walking Dead, and going over the different things I need to do for school in the coming weeks. Report cards being a big part of that list.
Yesterday, I found that I was unusually alert and a bit restless. Oddly enough, the devotional I read was on Philippians 4:6-7:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.Worrying comes naturally to me and, I assume, most people. I've been given lots of nuggets of wisdom on worrying over the years. The one that really stuck with me was from another teacher when I was in Bogota: "Notice how most of what we worry about never happens?"
After all that, I found myself in Mission Sunday in my church and the focus was on the specific area of Guadalajara, Mexico. The speaker was someone I know from my Colombia days, Trever Godard, who is now raising funds for a discipleship centre in that city. As I heard him and thought through what I have done in the past and am doing now, I was amazed at how far I have come. I'm amazed at God's sustaining hand through all the things I worried about. I'm amazed at how he has stayed with me, despite my worrying,which, let's face it, is a problem of faith. Worrying is not believing that God will be there.
After I got home and throughout the morning my restlessness increased, so I began to finally clean my nightstand and battle the dust and cobwebs that had built up over, I'm not kidding, years. I can prove it because in the pile on my nightstand I found two certificates from Abbotsford Christian School for 10 years of service and for 15 years of service. So, this nightstand hasn't been cleaned for at least 5 years. I also tackled the box of articles and books from when I was working on my Master's degree. I stopped when I went back to school. I now realize that I couldn't really do it back then because of my struggles with anxiety and depression.
The idea of going back to finish the degree is now the biggest thing in the back of my mind, as if I need another thing. However, I find that the idea of beginning to comb through the debris and to begin communicating with Trinity Western again not such an overwhelming prospect. It's as if the whole journey of the past 5 years or so has been one of shaking out the cobwebs, clearing out the dust bunnies and learning that no matter what I don't need to be anxious, for Jesus is there.
